Onto Week Three

Thanks for all of the videos, girls, they made me laugh so hard. I've been thinking about all of you.
Its been a good week. I still haven't managed to find a job [ask me about the thrift store interview sometime, i totally botched it, but it was hilarious], but I'm not too worried. David's boss, who I met for about 30 seconds in July, has been sending my resumé to various contacts but apparently telling everyone that I am D's fiancé. If it gets me a job, so be it. I'll just have to tearfully explain that the wedding is off, but we remain good friends.
I got to go to a concert this week, The Ditty Bops, it was probably the most darling show i've ever seen. The two girls are touring in support of local organic farms and came out dressed in carrot and artichoke inspired dresses. Adorable. I got an instant crush on the carrot -- she was brunnette and leggy and tall, so basically i fell in love with myself. I'm so full of it.
http://www.theskywascandy.com/mp3s/august/wishful-thinking.mp3 [its one of their songs, totally recommended for a sunny day]

I also took the train downtown for Chicago's final outdoor movie in Grant Park, thousands of people materialized to watch "The Sound of Music" and sing along. The echoing off of the skyline added a whole new dimension.

I look like i'm trying to blend in with the skyline. If only I wasn't wearing a circus tent. Goodnight all, much love!

sweet dreams and prayers please

Sweet Dreams my girls...Please pray for my cousin Del Thomas. He is having surgery on his eye tomorrow due to his diabetes and broken blood vessels in his eyes.The surgery is to try to prevent him from possibly going blind. Please pray that the surgery does what it was meant to do,comfort and for a quick recovery. Love you ladies...oh and dont forget to read my poem below I hope it sparks something... xox

From the outside looking in Im not at my peak,

but I am taking this time to rid myself of

all the things people seek.

Breathing deep

Looking In

What you see is what you get,

and you aint seen nothing yet.

I must love me as I was created to BE

A part of you dies everytime you compromise

your opinion of yourself because of the opinion of someone else.

Standing at a crossroads, Spirit led

Anything that isnt growing is dead

but I feel the growing pains...

So I must BE ALIVE!

I was listening to my CD of Lauryn Hill unplugged..Really deep and powerful...I was inspired by some things she said and expounded on it in the poem above. -S

Karyn,
This is for you! I know how much you love seeing all of these videos on the blog, but you HAVE to see this! It's so bad it is ridiculous!! This recruitment video will want to make you go to this college for sure!!! Emily, forget Chicago.... I bet this is the place you will want to be!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pVENWl8uBeg

and.... chocolate rain!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA

Dinosaur and Butterfly

average day of S + E on a summer day....so in love

Adam Green - Emily (video)

I wanna dance with Emily...I gotta dance with others...but it will always come back to you...just listen;)

Funny hamsters

it's the little things in life...Monty this is for you!

Hey girls!
Hope you all had a good weekend, nothing too exciting here.


Em- I need your new addy in CHICAGO! I miss you, but don't be homesick. Home is still here, but adventure is there! Delve deep and live big! Be brave on the rocks!!!!!!

KT- How was your trip to BG? Your mom told me you were meeting up with the old VCT groupies, how was it?

Sarah- Missed ya this week, you have secret sister mail on the info table at church (it's not from me, I just saw your name on an envelop). I'll try to get that file emailed to you tomorrow that we talked about on the tele on Friday. Sorry I'm a slacker.

Much love to each of you! I missed you guys, it was a lonely weekend!
-A

blah blah blah

I just got off the phone with Em's mom. We were talking about you.All good stuff. ;) She said though she misses you a lot she is glad that you did it because it seemed like what ya needed to do. Thats really great to have your mom's support huh Em? She also talked about how you left Monty with her...hehehee...Is he old in Hamster years? seriously?
Last night at the wedding there was a live band and I danced 1/2 my ass off!! There was a police check point IN THE PARKING LOT!! (on columbia in north olmsted) With lots of cops (at least 15) in orange vests, with cones set up, paddy wagons...craziness. There was an email that went out b4 the wedding about it...but we had no idea there would be a stake out in the parking lot. The family of the bride bought cabs for anyone that needed them. They were waiting outside, which was really nice. But I felt 100% sober. I had lots of water and a cup of coffee...I had stopped drinking at least an hour 1/2 to leaving. I knew I was fine. So I was the only one that had the gahona's to drive out of the parking lot. I heard if you make a right you will have more of a chance...so I made a right and hoped for the best. Quite intimidating....Leave it to me....I WILL NOT CONFORM!!!!
Well, I am stressin' about stuff with my boss(es). Trying not to be angry because anytime there has been a crisis in my life they have been very UNsupportive...asking me to come in after my grandmothers funeral, asking me to come in on my day off when I was taking care of my mom in the hospital when it was the worst, and then recently minimizing my situation,calling me a sucker and accusing me of lying when it came to taking one day off due to Mr. Hyde and the abusive situation. God forbid something else happen in the future, but if I dont speak up one more time and ask for more understanding and support in the future...I am afraid that if something else happens they will add to the stress that much more with their self centered lack of support. I am angry and I hate feeling so indignant. I have had enough of those feelings and rightfully so in the last few months and it only hurts the one with the anger( that one being me) So I will pray about what to do...speak to them...or ask God to change their hearts....or ask Him to show me the right time to approach it.

I need to learn how to turn all these unsettled concerns (legal stuff/lease,landlord,boss,my healing from Mr. Hyde) off so it's not weighing on my mind,body and heart all the time. I am trying to practice mindfullness. Living in the moment. At this moment there's not much I can do about any of it. At this moment I am not faced with confrontation or strife...only the worrying of the potentiality of strife causes me stress. I will try to embrace NOW at the moments that everything is 'OK'. At the times there truly is hardship I will remind myself that relief WILL come again and this heartache will one day be history.
We should each focus on Mindfullness this week. http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2006/3940.html

"As you learn to embrace the present in an all-encompassing way, you will come to realize that life's magnificence is a product of its moments. "

Well I am going to go meditate and prepare myself for my long day tomorrow.

Hey ladies....I have an idea....please go along with it. I think this week each of us should ....
BLOG OUR BLESSINGS
no order...just as they come off the top of your head.
We truly are blessed. Its all in our perspective. So who's gonna start??

Into Week 2.

This week has been filled with late night walks, harbor discoveries, unexpected conversations with complete strangers, drunk karaoke and impromtu dance parties, packed pubs and quiet restuarants, getting soaked to the skin in sudden thunderstorms and loving every minute of it, shared smiles on trains, coffee shop book hours, and polar pop adventures. I have sunburned shoulders and blisters on my feet and I couldn't be more pleased.
I was sitting in a park the other afternoon, watching the [actually blue] water packed with sailboats of every color, noticing the skyline behind me and to the south, and it suddenly hit me -- i'm living IN CHICAGO. No matter what actually happens, my biography from here on out will always include the fact that I spent some time residing in the Windy City. And that's kind of fun.
That being said, I keep getting hit with ridiculous pangs of homesickness. And tonight, I'm busy missing people. I have so much more I wanted to say but I'll leave it at that for now. I'm thinking of all of you.

whats up slackers? I keep checkin to see if anyone has blogged...nnnooopeeI just got home from my friend Nicolettes wedding. It was really nice...Ahh hell, Im too tired to blog...lol...well goodnite ladies. Hope to hear from you soon. muah!

Thats my girl Amanda! Im proud of you. Amen to the line! I love you. So EMILY! I need to know your address like ASAP k kid? Oh and umm guess what Im wearing??? Lace? no....I'm wearing a lil' Tee Shirt with colorful silohettes of DINOSAURS! AT LEAST 30 OF THEM! with hearts...I couldnt resist. Just 5 bucks...Just to sweep you and Daniel and lil more off your feet;)

So I was just listening to Carlos Jones and I wanted to share some of his music with you....then when I read the lyrics below...it was encouraging because thats something I try to do. I know not one of us can save the world...but we CAN make a difference. If any of us have had someone make a difference in our day or life...we KNOW we can do it for the next person. So then I thought...hmmm though I Love John Mayer... "Waiting on the world to Change" just pisses me off!!!...(Em, sowwy I know ya like it;) ...I liked it for a second but no it goes against everything I stand for... No we can't change the government or the war or whatever else someone wants to gripe about but each of us gotta GET OFF OUR ASS and do something before we can think we have a leg to stand on....even if its as "simple" as living the lyrics below....

( http://www.carlosjones.com/ Check Carlos Jones' website out. He is a reggae artist right here in Cleveland. He has been playin here since...I think 78 if I remember correctly. He plays at the Grog Shop. He use to live in Coventry back in the day. I wrote him once on myspace...and he wrote me back with a lengthy email. He writes and sings real positive lyrics. I have his CD. Its positive and uplifting...lots of truth from the bible ....here's a lil' something he wrote in April... )


Leave A Trail

I'm going to...Leave a trail of peace now wherever I go
so that there will be a path for the next one to follow
I'm going to leave a trail of love now wherever I go
and then there might be something left for them tomorrow
Sometimes it so overwhelming when you see how much wrong is going on
That you don’t think you can make any difference
and your confidence has gone
But if you just do the best that you can do to make it better where you are
It can create a positive example
and that is always a good start
why don't you leave a trail of cleanness wherever you go?
And then there will be a path for the next one to follow
Why don't you leave a trail of kindness wherever you go?
and there might be something left for them tomorrow
If you're worried 'bout your future
well you've got good reason to
Cause we've been using up more than we put back
and the bill is coming due
now I don't know how long its gonna last
but I'll just do the best I can
To shine some light in this darkness For every woman, child and man
I'm going to Leave a trail of love now wherever I go
so that there will be a path for the next one to follow
I'm going to leave a trail of peace now wherever I go
and then there may be another day for them tomorrow
I say the world is in a crisis
we better wake up before it's too late
If we don’t stop and change the situation
well then destruction will be our fate
Now, if you're worried about your futuret
hen you've got good reason to
Cause we've been using up more than we put back
and the bill is now coming due
I said I don't know how long its gonna last
but I'll just do the best that I can
I'm gonna shine a little light in this darkness
For every woman, child and man
I'm going to Leave a trail of peace now wherever I go
So there will be a path for the next one to follow
I'm going to leave a trail of love now wherever I go
and there might be some thing left for them tomorrow
Why don't you leave a trail of cleanness wherever you go?
So that there will be a path for the children to follow
I say why don't you leave a trail of oneness wherever you go?
So that there may be another day for them tomorrow
So why don’t you leave a trail…Leave a trail…Carlos Jones - April '07

We know the rest of the story.....

One day too good to be true ....

will just BE!

love, me;)

HAPPY THURSDAY

Look you guys! SARK went to Alaska too!!! http://www.planetsark.com/eletter_home.htm HEHE, exciting!

Mark wanted to know if he could read our blog too? And I was like "Baby... it's girl stuff, sorry" and "Plus, we talk about you on it." HAHA, there's no way I'm sharing all this with him! A girl just has to draw the line somewhere.

Love you!
-a

Warm and Fuzzy

I love THIS! I think I am addicted to saying goodnite. Karyn thank you for the encouragement. Your blog made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Random is what we love so no worries. Tomorrow I plan on "being confident before God" and putting my GAME FACE on!" You should do the same for tomorrows meeting Karyn. I am still insecure of how the parents feel about me. (don't want to write details in case someone inside the computer is spying on me)I can't believe how nervous I get when she seems to have an attitude towards me. BUT I am going to do my job for the well being and love of the kids...not because they do/or do not recognize my hard work and care!!confidence before God!!! (knowing I am an awesome nanny whether they know it or not...or in your case Karyn: Im sure you made an amazing booklet) and put your GAME FACE on. Congrats about being a girl! I think thats lovely. Embrass your beauty SISTA! lol Well, I truly need to go to sleep. Goodnite Amanda....Goodnite Karyn....Goodnite Emiwee... May God's Angels Protect you each...xox

Everything Changes

Hey Ladies,
This is so great to hear all of our stories and keep up...I love it because I totally suck at keeping in touch over the phone (okay I am not that great at letters either). Amanda and Em...I will keep you are in my thoughts and prayers this week that you will find the "perfect job".Be patient, something will work out, He has a plan. Sarah, stay strong SISTA and keep your eyes on Paris...whatever it is that makes life beautiful.

Well guys, it sounds like we are in for a year of big changes. Exciting, amazing...yet kind of sad changes. We are all growing up!!! I was looking at some pictures recently from all of our various adventures together and I just kept thinking of how we were so lucky to find each other. You just don't find friends like you every day. I just wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate having you in my life....you are wonderful! We have had some good times together in the past....so I propose that we all decide to take a trip to see Em in Chicago on a weekend...tee hee.

On a side note, luckily we ended up with some extra bridesmaid dresses from my wedding so we should be okay (but I could wear my dress if you really wanted me too). And Em, I always did find it wierd how you can look at someone and see so much potiental in them without even knowing them. It kind of sparks a strange curiousity, you want to meet them purely because they intregue you. Just keep hanging out in the coffee houses, you guys will meet lots of new people I am sure.

So this week, Nick and I have decided to change our lifestyle...so we are eating healthy and I actually went running with him tonight....I almost died...but I was proud of myself for doing it. I am going to try and "foof" myself up a little too as well by getting my hair done and putting makeup on...you know things that most normal girls do. I dressed up today and I felt so much better about myself and I had more confidence....I guess its funny how a change that small can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Well I gotta get to bed, I have a meeting with the president of the company tomorrow so he can tell me how he likes a booklet I have designed (talk about anxiety).

Sorry this was such a random assortment of thoughts.
Love you girls! Have a fantastic week.

Phew! Thank goodness you didn't meet up with that guy. I almost got jealous. Oh and chances are I will never meet Drew...so we're good....Wait, you wont even fight for me??? Or do you love me so much you ultimately want what I want?? Yeah thats it! Sounds like ya had fun at the Pub dear. I'm glad you didnt meet back up with him. Those spontaneous meetings are much better sometimes. Well, Amanda,Karyn, and Emily (when you are visiting Cleveland)you should each try my newest hang out spot. It's a lil bar called "The Basement" I can just walk there and back. No need to get in a car. Its very comfy. I met a new friend there named Lola and Gabriel is even aloud to hang out there. They even let me hang up a big picture of the eiffel tower! Now thats a cool bar!
Today was my first day with my cousins baby. He is so precious. Man has he got some lungs on 'em though.But he slept really good for me and I made sure to feed him a good amount so his cute lil' rolls on his thighs don't leave.
Speaking of my new bar... I think Im gonna go there in a few minutes.But first I have to go write an "employment contract" that my boss asked me to write. Odd huh?
Yes Em a lot of us do go out of our way to pretend we are not interested in our fellow humans...Unless of course you are brave enough...(or stalker-ish enough, just kiddin, you can stalk me anyday Em) to burn a whole cd with music you think they would like before you ever really meet them ...just watch them afar off.... and then sneak in their bedroom window and put the cd on their chest while they are sleeping...like you did to that one guy in Wooster, 'member Em?;) hehe
Em by the way I am gonna do some Paris research to see what the weather is like during the "off seasons" which would be cheaper...K?
I will be talking to Someone about each of your job searches! You will do fine ladies! As for me Im gonna go write this contract...ugghh...A contract the family will actually sign....uggghhh....

Lets keep our heads up girls!! C'mon give yourself a big freakin hug!! Cmon...Do it #@$@%#!

I have chocolate chips all over me!

I love this thing. Its so much fun to hear all of the stories.
Sarah, its totally fair if you want to be with drew. I won't get in your way. And Amanda: hooray more waiting!

I went out with Julia last night to a lovely little Irish pub around the corner and totally scored a boyfriend. He was in his late 30s, recently divorced, [theoretically] rich, and very charming. He bought us a round and talked for at least 45 minutes, he was actually non-creepy and interesting -- he opened it up to a question and answer session about whatever julia and i wanted to know about men, which was hysterical -- and wanted to get lunch. I shot him down but he gave me a time and location anyway, just in case I changed my mind. I could have had a sugar daddy. Ah well.
I have an interview tomorrow for a thrift store here, its probably the most well qualified i've ever been for a job, heh. Other resumés are on their way out. Its all very surreal.
Julia and I were discussing how strangely hard it can be to meet people in cities, and how the people that you REALLY want to meet won't be in bars... they're the people you see on trains or in bookstores or in supermarket lines -- Julia: "I'm not at a supermarket with a creepy agenda, I just want some bananas!" -- but how do you bridge that gap? We're all curious about eachother; why do we act like we're not?

Lil' Drew....

25 years later...not much has changed! I adore her. I know it is a sad state of affairs when I am up at 2am writing about my famous wife....so sad...but nonetheless...I love her.

I think her and I would get along famously. We would hold hands skipping in a field of wild flowers and then have a picnic on a blanket...and lay under the shade of a beautiful tree , talk and giggle and then take a nap together....

Wait, that sounds similar to times Emily and I spent together.....Aww Hell, Emily dear...if you can have the guy on "the office" then I choose Drew...ahhhh....Well on that crazy note...Im going to bed....(clearly I need sleep!!!!)

bridesmaid dresses...I knew it!

LMAO! see Em? (see Amanda's P.S)I wasnt drunk when I thought I heard Amanda tell me to save my bridesmaid dress!! I was coherent...I heard and interpeded right. LOL... Amanda, you mentioned saving the dress when we were at Shannon's wedding .Of course, over drinks I told Emily..."Amanda said something strange...." and Emily was all like "nooo, could that be what she meant?" Well since you prefaced it with..."dont gag" YEP thats what ya meant;) Sooo, would Karyn wear her wedding dress at your wedding? Or she would have to get a bridesmaid dress like ours? Well, I will say I am soooo happy you are moving there first! So happy...even though I would miss you... I want the best for you. Which is to REALLY know someone without all the make up. Not that Mark wear make up...lol but really, I think that is very wise. Too many people get married and ummm THATS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, marriage is...without knowing the person day in and day out. Not that they are going to turn into a monster...as I was lucky to see before I said "I do" but sometimes people realize that "honeymoon period"aside..they just arent compatable or ultimately have a different focus in life. So hats off to you, for moving first to see how things go. Oh and I wouldnt marry him until at least 10 years;) haha...kidding of course. Emily, unless its john cusack or the guy from "the office" you know you cant go to the other side....unless it's with me;)

p.s...yeah, amanda I think you are probably much prettier with a full head of hair
p.s.s waiting is hard. So we'll just focus on the moment we're in.
p.s.s Emily: David is a freakin genius
p.s.s.s Karyn did you decorate your stripper pole yet? No but really how are you feeling?
PSSSS...I am loving this by the way, As you all know, and emily can relate, I am not a phone person....so now that I have access to my cousins computer. I am loving writing to you ladies!! I get excited to see if anyone wrote a blog...awwwww....I love you guys! xoxoxox

I love this blog thing! I love hearing from each of you so much... hmm... sad it isn't actually 'hearing'. Anyway...

I didn't see any of you this weekend... so sad! Sarah... glad you still have a job... and OH SO GLAD you are saving for PARIS! How amazing and wonderful... what a great goal to set for yourself! Make your dreams come true!

I finally recieved a call this afternoon from John Masserano... the owner of the 2nd company (the one that Mark's sister helped me find). He was impressed with my resume and wants to meet with me, either when I come to Texas in September... or possibly earlier. However... his business is in a bit of a transition and he has to make a decision (pretty much this week) on which direction to take. Whether he will merge his business with another firm full of architects and designers, or will start from scratch hiring new architects and designers of his own. Making this decision will dictate what position he may have for someone like me. So... he has asked if I could just wait a bit and he will get back to me later this week. His current designer will be leaving in a few weeks... so... he may need someone right away (to train a bit before she goes) or maybe not for a while until after things settle down. He seemed very nice and willing to help me out, even offering to pass on my resume if he heard of anything else in the area. So.... MORE WAITING.... AHHHHHERRRRRGGGG!!! There are moments it makes me just want to pull my hair out. But then I realize that I must continue to be patient... and that pulling my hair out would hurt... physically and probably socially! Haha! So... I wait... and wait more... and that's where I am now... waiting.

Yea... Emily has a bed... by way of adventure... I expected nothing less!
By the way... I emailed your dad about what might be clean and unclean to eat in Alaska... he says reindeer -A OK. Grizzy- Bad! HAHA!

Love you girls!

PS- Don't gag... but save your bridesmaids dresses from Karyn's wedding for a bit longer, k?

Hullo lovelies! I don't actually have internet at the apartment yet, so I'm haunting to coffee place again. Poor man. I buy one coffee and sit here for hours. Its been a hilarious few days here so far, I managed to find a bed last night, in the pouring rain -- it involved dropping it down from a balcony to david L waiting below -- and Friday night was kind of fantastic. Julia and David and I set off to a pub to hear a band play, and Julia could vaguely remember the bus stop but didn't know where to go from there. David typed the address into his phone, got some directions, and away we went. And then he realized it had been typed incorrectly, so we turned around. And then he realized he had read it wrong, so we turned around again. And again. We walked further....and further... and further. The neighborhood got worse and worse, until finally a woman stopped and asked us if we needed a cab, we looked so out of place. But we finally got straightened out [this was three hours after we started out] and headed back to the main street [we had given up on the show] and bus back home. A cab driver stopped and informed us that the buses were no longer running, so we walked another four miles home. And that was the entire evening. Wild nights in Chicago, i tell you.
This sounds like a time of ridiculous uncertainty for all of us. I've watched things work out beautifully over and over again, no matter how messy it seems, and no doubt this will be the same, but man. It feels so silly sometimes. I can't wait to see what these next few months will bring.
I miss you girls. We've been so lucky to have found eachother. Come visiiiiiiit!

Good nite my ladies. I love you each and hope you have sweet dreams...Whether you are in Medina,Children of the Corn or Chicago....xox

Welcome Amanda Dear! Life is so crazy and unpredictable isn't it? I have lived by myself for almost 6 years!! Then here I am living in my cousin's house with his wife,baby and dog. They are awesome though... Sometimes we will feel like were not moving or we've taken a few steps back...when really maybe we are preparing for something amazing! For example, now I can save up my money and go to PARIS!!! (exhale)
I am glad to hear of your new endeavors Amanda...I know something will turn out for you, and whatever doesn't go the way you wished, just wasn't the best thing for you. As my Aunt tells me, "God has another watering hole waiting for you just around the bend"
Friday was very hard. I had a work meeting and I actually almost got fired last week. I never saw it coming. Problems that I didnt know of and they almost got rid of me. I am so thankful that they gave me a chance to respond instead of them making a rash decision without knowing the truth. I know a lot of people from the outside would probably think I am better off with another position but there is so much uncertainty in my life right now emotionally,mentally and physically that I dont think its the right time to change my position. I love those kids. So I need to do what I do for the children and God... Plus, it will help me learn to not feel so compelled to explain myself to others or to feel beaten up by someone elses words. After the meeting I thought "if only I could tell her why..." or I wanted to just stand up for myself...Im trying to find the balance of when to speak up and when to know that no matter what you say it wont change a persons attitude or judgements. It simply shouldnt matter. As long as I know I am trying my best and looking to God for guidance, why give another that much power over me. Stressin' over what to say to them to "help them see". Whatever! (excuse my lil' pep talk for myself;) Well I hear there are perogi's upstairs so I gotta run.;) I love you girls! !!

new things

YEA! I'm a blogger! This is new for me!

Em,
I love this idea! Sorry I'm the last to get on board, but it was a busy week. Em, I love the pics of your new apartment. I can't wait to come visit. Carri wants to come too! I can't even tell you how proud I am of you for making the leap into the next phase of your life! I want to cry I'm so proud of you and excited for you! I know the beautiful things of Chicago will welcome you and embrace you and take you. Cleveland is probably so jealous that Chicago gets to have you now.

All,
So... I hadn't heard back from the interview at PSP (the one I had when I was in Houston 2 weeks ago). I emailed them this week and decided to fast about it. I started fasting at 5 pm on Wednesday evening. At 5:10 while I was still praying, I got an IM from Mark saying he needed me to send my resume to his sister ASAP because she had a job lead for me. It was someone that Lindsey's boss is friends with and that her company does business with. They know the owner personally and they were looking for someone. WEIRD! I thought "God... I've only been fasting for 10 minutes!". So I sent the resume off to Lindsey right away and sent it directly to the owner of the company on Thursday as soon as I got off of work at Starbucks. Just before 5pm on Thrusday I was praying again, about to break my fast. When I got up from praying at 5pm there was an email from the owner of that company saying that he recieved my resume and would look it over. He also said he would get back to me sometime Friday (which he didn't) or early this week. So I'm still waiting to hear from them. Also... on Friday I called PSP (the big firm that I had the interview with) and got an email from the guy who interviewed me. He said they haven't made any decisions yet. The waiting is killing me, I'm so so ready to move on to something real and to be done with Starbucks. This is very much a trial of faith! I find myself waivering from moment to moment.... "God will take care of everything... His timing is perfect" to "WHY CAN"T I FIND A JOB, I MUST BE WORTHLESS, I"VE BEEN LOOKING FOR OVER A YEAR, NO ONE iS GOING TO HIRE ME." So.... needless to say... I could use your prayers and positive thinking! I'll keep you posted (haha.... em.... that's a blogger's joke just for you!)

Also... "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas... (off the Meet the Robinsons soundtrack I think) is amazing... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT6EVIIcLLo

LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Yes "heart of life" is a beautiful song. I think I bought that CD in the winter and I remember driving down Chester wanting to text message Em with the lyrics. (not a good idea) So I played it for her and dedicated it to her right ther in my living room. Do you 'member, Em?Its exactly the kind of encouragement I need right now...gonna go listen to it.

Hey Girls,

I came across this song the other day and it made me think of you and all of the times we have shared, both good and bad, over the last few years. I feel that the lyrics are incredibly awesome and really get to the heart of our friendship. I heard the song the other day at work and actually started to cry, because I really hit me that you are gone Em. I know that you will be back....but I think we all agree that...it still sucks that your gone (even if it is temporary). Its pretty crazy where life can take you eh? Well Em, I really didn't mean to make you sad by this posting...I just wanted to let you know that we love you and will miss you dearly. I hope that life is wonderful there and it makes you very happy. Be strong, and know that we are all here for you if you need ANYTHING.

So here are the lyrics to John Mayer's song "Heart of Life". You can hear the song on You Tube by clicking this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVj19Zq6WWk

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
so turn off your tears
and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it wont all go the way
it should
but I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothin' new
bad news never had good timing
then the circle of your friends
will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it won't all go the way
it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
fear is a friend who is
misunderstood
but I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good, I know it's good
oh i know it's good

oh i do i do i do

oh i know its good


Love you girl. I am proud of you!!!

Day One.

I'm IN CHICAGO. I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING HERE.

I was ridiculously homesick last night, despite being surrounded by friends. I miss you girls already.
However, today I am sitting in a coffee shop owned by a man from Cleveland, he recognized Julia's Drug Mart mug. I feel a little more at home already. They have great coffee and are blasting The Smiths overhead, so I think that I'm in the right place. And Sarah, Julia also feels that you should quit and get yourself out here.
I can see Wrigley Field from my back steps!

Without the skipping...this is for us

Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been.

But today, I have the opportunity to choose.Here am I now looking at 30 and I got so much to say.

I gotta get this off of my chest, I gotta let it go today.

I was always too concerned about what everybody would think.But I can't live for everybody, I gotta live my life for me.I pitched a fork in the road of my life and ain't nothing gonna happen unless I decide.

And I choose, to be the best that I can be.(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do.

My past don't dictate who I am. I choose. I done been through some painful things I thought that I would never make it through.

Filled up with shame from the top of my head to the soles of my shoes.

I put myself in so many chaotic circumstances, but by the grace of God I've been given so many second chances.

But today I decided to let it all go. I'm dropping these bags, I'm making room for my joy(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do.My past don't dictate who I am.

I choose.Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been.

But today, I have the opportunity to choose. (Hey ey)I used to have guilt about why things happen they way they did cuz life is gone do what it do.And everyday, I have the opportunity to choose.

From this day forward I'm going to be exactly who I am.I don't need to change the way that I live just to get a man. (NO!)I even had a talk with my mama and I told her the day I'm grown, "from this day forward, every decisionI make will be my own." (And I choose) to be the best that I can be.(I choose) to be courageous in everything I do.

My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do.My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.[Bridge:]Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been. But today, I have the opportunity to choose. I used to have guilt about why things happen the way they did cuz life is gone do what it do.And everyday, I have the opportunity to choose.

happy place

To my happy place...

As I drove away yesterday evening...So many memories kept pouring through my heart...Remember the first day I came to pick you up? You wondered what we'd talk about...I thought I was only giving you a ride...Those seemingly simple everyday moments...where you haven't a clue that your about to take another serendipitous turn,

...gives me hope...

At anytime we could be in the midst of yet another...

I learned it from that Elton John song.

"Wait really? But 'bagabon' made sense... they have bags............. bagabon?"